I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
