I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Your dad touched me again.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
