you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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