is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i barfeds in our rink
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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