I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
