He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
