you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
