actually, I'm a sock model
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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