Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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