dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
my poor anus
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Randomize
