Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
