Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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