worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Randomize
