How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Let's get the cat blown out
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
