On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Ladies don't puke and tell
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
