So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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