Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
