I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
