I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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