I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
