Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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