It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
