Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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