we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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