Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
