Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
