By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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