Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
