wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
