i just made my gag reflex go away.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
