is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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