you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
