She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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