You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
