i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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