thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
