her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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