Soap is not a condiment
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
smell my finger.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
