The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
