Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
