I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Best friends brother. Beat that.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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