you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
