I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
