This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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