I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i just made my gag reflex go away.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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