Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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