there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
