Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
