I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize
