u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
