Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
