the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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