It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize