He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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