so that wasnt chicken after all
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
