this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
