I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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