i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
did i just pee glitter
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
