Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Tornado booty call.. dedication
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
