I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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