when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
