I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
