That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize