Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize
