And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
handjob tips. give me some.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
