Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
