My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize