and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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