My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize