This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
