We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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