Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
