Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
