He told me they were just razor bumps!
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
