So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
