Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
