I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
