i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
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