I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
