Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize