Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
