I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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