So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
