so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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